Supporting grieving clients
Glenn Baird
TAL Head of Mental Health
Concerns around mental health are currently one of the biggest challenges facing many Australians.
As an adviser, you will inevitably find yourself dealing with some of your clients’ most difficult moments: the loss of a loved one, a terminal illness diagnosis, divorce or other big life-changing moments. Conversations with grieving clients will always be difficult, but here are some tips to help you navigate them so you can best support their wellbeing.
Understanding grief
When we think of grief, it is usually in terms of the death of a loved one, but grief can extend beyond bereavement. Grief is a natural human response to any break in attachment. This may be the loss of a close friend, a relationship breakdown, feeling you have lost your identity if you are unable to work for a time, or losing your financial status or lifestyle.
The symptoms of grief
Everyone experiences and expresses grief differently, through a range of emotional and physical symptoms. We don’t often connect the physical symptoms to the grief one might experience, but it is important we understand this is a normal part of the grief response.
|
Emotional symptoms |
|
|---|---|
|
Denial Sadness Anger Guilt |
Hopelessness Numbness Loneliness Anxiety |
|
Physical symptoms |
|
|---|---|
|
Tiredness/exhaustion Confusion Difficulty Concentrating Sleep changes |
Appetite changes Nightmares Restlessness Aches and pains Anxiety attacks |
Navigating conversations with someone experiencing grief
Many of us struggle to find the right words when someone is going through a difficult time—we don’t want to make things worse by getting it wrong, but don’t want to stay silent either.
Those that are grieving may not talk openly about their struggle as they don’t want to burden others with their experience. Therefore, when speaking to someone experiencing grief, look for ways to signal that you’re ready to listen. Try asking open-ended questions that acknowledge the pain of the situation and make room for the grieving person to express what they’re feeling, if they wish to do so.
Sometimes the things we say to console the grieving person may not be received the right way, despite having the right intent to be supportive. The following are some examples of things that may not be received well, along with some alternative suggestions.
Instead of:
How are you?
This question can be too broad and easy to dismiss.
Try:
Please accept my condolences. Tell me more about…
Instead of:
You’re handling this quite well.
As the grieving person does not want to be a burden, they may present a façade that they are okay. This comment may reinforce the façade and therefore dismiss the actual struggle.
Try:
There’s nothing I can say to make things better, but I also know that having someone to talk to at times like this is really important. So, if you don’t mind, every so often I would like to ask some questions to find out how you’re coping with this. Is that okay with you?
Instead of:
Be strong.
This may imply that weakness or vulnerability is not allowed.
Try:
How are you coping with… (name the cause of grief)?
Instead of:
You need to start moving on.
Grief is not necessarily something that we can speed up to the finish.
Try:
I remember when… OR My favourite memory of … is …
Having open conversations about the person’s grief can be helpful.
Instead of:
I’m sorry for your loss.
Can be a little generic and sometimes tokenistic.
Try:
Please accept my condolences. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.
Instead of:
I know how you feel.
You may be minimising that person’s experience.
Try:
I heard that your father died. It must be tough for you right now.
Grief support at TAL
The impact of illness, injury or unexpected death can be profound. TAL offers a range of support for our customers during this emotional and difficult time, including downloadable guides, available on our website, such as Living with Grief.
We also offer a dedicated Grief Support service. This is available to:
- immediate family members of a loved one who has become terminally ill or passed away, and/or
- customers who may have recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
We have partnered with a specialist external provider, Assure Programs, to help clients and their families with the understanding, care and resources that may be needed to help navigate this time.
Your clients can access our Grief Support service:
- if Life Insurance was purchased directly with TAL, through a Financial Adviser or provided through a participating TAL superannuation fund partner,
- if they are the Life Insured or are an immediate family member* of the Life Insured,
- up to 12 months from date of claim or diagnosis, and
- book up to three sessions through our dedicated TAL provider.**
You can find more information about our Grief Support Service here.
Education and support at TAL Risk Academy
TAL Risk Academy has expert-led courses offering key techniques and practical strategies to help you effectively support clients when they’re on claim. If you’re interested in learning more, download the course guide or talk to your BDM.
Strong communication is a powerful thing, and something that is already a central part of an adviser’s day-to-day role. Having the confidence to initiate and navigate difficult conversations is a highly valued skill which can strengthen client relationships and foster a stronger, more successful practice.
* Immediate family member includes spouse, partner, de facto, children, parents and siblings.
** TAL has engaged with Assure Programs to provide up to three complimentary and confidential one-hour sessions to each immediate family member, with a grief support heath professional. This service can only be accessed within Australia.